Movie Review: My Neighbor, Totoro

Heroine as a Role-Model: A+
Hero as a Role-Model: A
Female to Male Character Ratio: A+
Scariness of the Bad Guy: A
Violence or Inappropriate Scenes: B
Rating: G

Overall Appropriateness for Preschoolers or Younger:

A -

My Neighbor, Totoro, 1988

This is absolutely my favorite movie for my children, and it gets the best rating I will probably give to a non-Sesame-Street movie. We watch it in the original Japanese, but the DVD comes with Japanese, English, and French versions.

It is the story of Satsuki Kusakabe (Noriko Hidaka, or Dakota Fanning in the English version) and her four-year-old sister, Mei (Chika Sakamoto or Elle Fanning), who move to the countryside with their father while their mother endures a long-term hospitalization for an unknown illness. Immediately, the children begin having supernatural experiences with the discovery that their new home is "haunted" by Susuwatari, and this experience is followed up by an encounter with a Forest Spirit that Mei dubs "Totoro," as well as some challenges as Satsuki and Mei struggle to get through daily life without their mother.

Satsuki is a strong and independent female heroine, but she is not the token feisty female; there are plenty of other female characters in the cast (as is common in Hayao Miyazaki movies). I was not sure who to consider the male hero of the story, since it is really the story of two heroines, but both Mr. Kusakabe and Totoro make interesting and very good male role models, as does the "romantic interest," the young Kanta.

One of my favorite aspects of this movie is the lack of a villain, yet another feature common in Miyazaki's works. The girls do have definite concerns for the health of their mother, and there is a scene when Mei attempts to walk to the hospital herself and gets desperately lost, causing stress and worry for her older sister and the community (some tension is needed in any good movie). But there is nothing evil to fear in this story.  None of the supernatural creatures are any threat to the girls (most are actually affectionate), Satsuki and Mei have an extremely loving and open-minded father, a mother who completely dotes on them (albeit from afar), and they are surrounded by a community that cares for them.

I gave this movie a B-rating for Inappropriate Scenes for several minor reasons. First of all, the idea of a mother being sick in the hospital could be disturbing to some children, especially as the movie progresses and Satsuki expresses her (unfounded) fears that her mother might die. Secondly, during the part of the movie when Mei is lost, a child's sandal is found floating in a pond and the community begins to fear that Mei may have drowned. This is never explicitly explained, and my own preschool-age son does not understand why the community is so terrified, but an older child might grasp the meaning and find it upsetting.  In addition, children who are particularly sensitive might find the idea of susuwatari living in the house a bit scary, despite their harmlessness.

Parents may want to note that there is a scene where the girls bathe with their father.  The girls are shown naked from the waist up, and the father is obviously naked although nothing is shown.  This scene is completely in keeping with the Japanese tradition of family bathing, and it is clearly entirely innocent, but it may offend some American sensibilities.  The Cat Bus (male) is also portrayed as anatomically-correct, but this is only apparent if you are paying extremely close attention.

I highly recommend this movie for children of any and all ages. It is heart-warming and innocent and fresh, with a very happy ending. It is not only the favorite of both of my children, but one of my favorite movies, as well.

Best Buy - Bundle Me

BEST BUY: Stroller Blankets - The JJ Cole BundleMe

Since my last Best Buy posting was about a carrier, I thought I should even things out by addressing strollers.  I have not chosen to review strollers yet because, frankly, I own five strollers and each has its own value and purpose, and none have yet struck me as superior to all others (although I do want to put a good word in for the Combi Twin Sport, which is a very easy-to-use and light-weight double stroller).  Instead, I want to address stroller blankets, which have been on my mind since the weather turned cooler.  When everyone in our family is healthy, we walk daily (I have three dogs to exercise!) and while my son, at almost three, usually runs ahead of us, my daughter is still stroller- or carrier-bound.  As the risk for ice (and slipping) becomes more pronounced, I carry her less and rely on the stroller more. Keeping her warm in the stroller has been a challenge, however, since she kicks off any blankets I put on her (they cannot be effectively wrapped since she is strapped into a five-point harness), and spending a half-hour every day to dress her in a snowsuit and jacket, hat, scarf, and gloves, resizing the stroller restraints, etc. is not only a waste of time, but it guarantees that my children will be cranky before we even get started.

So, when the weather was just down to the lower 50s, I began looking for an alternative.  There are many such brands out there, including the awesome-looking Warm as a Lamb, the Cozy Cub, Baby Trend, and the JJ Cole Bundle Me, as well as several brands that are particular to specific stroller brands.  I compared prices, reviews, and my own needs, and decided against the Warm as a Lamb, although it has the most enthusiastic reviews, because of both price and the fact that a different item must be purchased if you have a single or a double stroller.  As I stated, I own multiple strollers, including a side-by-side double stroller (the Combi), two Tandem strollers, and two single strollers.  The next two most highly-reviewed buntings within my price range (under $100) were the Cozy Cub by OneStepAhead and JJ Cole's Bundle Me.  I chose the Bundle Me because the Cozy Cub has holes for a child's arms.  I can certainly see the value in this design, especially for an older child like my son, but my daughter, at just 14-months old, does not need her hands out and is more likely to get cold, lose gloves, etc. with that option.

The JJ Cole Bundle Me comes in five styles - the Lite, the Urban, the Original, the Original Weather-Resistant (which is new), and the Arctic.  All styles come in both an Infant version (designed to fit over the carry-along carseat) and a Toddler version, estimated to last from 1-3 years of age.  They fit (with some adjustment) on my Graco Travel System as well as the Combi Twin Sport, but although they do fit on the Contours Options Tandem stroller, they slide down so badly that I do not recommend them for use with this stroller.  They fit my daughter with plenty of room, and my son, at 2 and a half and in the 90th percentile for height, also fits in them quite comfortably.  They zip up to the shoulders of my son and the neck of my daughter, meaning that I only need to provide a warm hat for my daughter and she can go entirely jacketless.

The Bundle Me Lite is perfect for cooling autumnal weather.  With a soft inner layer and a water- and wind-proof outer layer, it resembles a full-body windbreaker.  The Bundle Me Urban is the next heaviest blanket, with some filling, very soft micro-suede on the inner layer, and a water- and wind-resistant outer layer that feels like the same material from which nice sleeping bags are made. We have been using this bag in our now-mid-40s weather with much success.  The Original is very thick and warm, but not water- or wind-resistant, which was not only disappointing to me but also to many of the reviewers on Amazon.com.  If you intend this blanket to be for car-seat use, the Original may be the perfect choice, but for those of us wishing to walk with it, it is not functional in a lot of winter weather.  I have personally rectified this problem by doubling up - my daughter fits very snugly in the Original, which is then tucked inside the Urban.  I do not recommend this solution, however, since JJ Cole has since released their new Original Weather-Resistant Bundle Me, which they boast has all the warm snuggliness of the Original with a water- and wind-proof shell.  The Arctic Bundle Me is a combination of all of the others, with very thick padding and a heavy canvas exterior that is water- and wind-proof.  The Arctic also has a removable top to help prevent over-heating, and a hood to help block the wind.  This is probably the best choice for those in very cold climates (many of the Amazon reviewers were from Michigan and Minnesota), but at over double the price of the Original, I found that purchasing the Urban and the Original and doubling up was actually the cheaper option.

The Bundle-Me's wash well, but the zippers are notoriously difficult to use, as they are a bit cheap and also get caught in the material.  I try to avoid unzipping them much, which in turn prevents having to zip them up much.  These are approved for use in a car-seat (UNLIKE YOUR CHILD'S WINTER JACKET - Please click here for more information about NOT using a coat in car-seats!), but I think this makes more sense for infants than toddlers, because strapping them into the Bundle Me is just another hassle when you can just use a couple of heavy blankets over your child.  However, if you do not have a garage or your car otherwise gets extremely cold, this might be warmer than blankets for your child.

Why Can't My Daughter Be An Astronaut?

My daughter is too young to care about her Halloween costume.  She was born shortly before Halloween last year, and since my son is about to enter preschool and still doesn't care what costume I pick for him, I hope that I will have a couple more years before I am fighting off any of her requests for princess finery.  This works out well for me, because though I like to dress my daughter in girly outfits, I don't think that most of the costumes I've seen in the various Halloween catalogs are at all appropriate for my child.

Have you noticed how Halloween has become such a sexy holiday for women?  If not, do a Google search for "Halloween costume woman" and count how many UNSEXY costumes you get back as results.  I don't mean unsexy as in "zombie" or "Big Bird," but unsexy as in longer skirts (or better yet, pants!), loose bodices, costumes with sleeves, costumes that cover enough to go out trick-or-treating with your kids.  You know what I mean: costumes that you could wear to the Playboy Club without being mistaken for a Halloween Bunny.  I found a couple; they are out there.  For the most part, though, if I want to buy a ready-made costume, I need to prepare to be either completely hideous or a sex kitten.  Some costumes even let me be both!  If I want to wear pants instead of a skirt, my choices are even more limited.  Apparently, modern Halloween exists for women to slink into skankiness, just as Lindsay Lohan's character Cady Heron says in the movie 'Mean Girls,' "In Girl World, Halloween is the one night a year when a girl can dress up like a total slut and no other girls can say anything about it."  It is a time for us to dress up like the showgirls that men know we secretly are inside (watch out for sarcasm!)  For more comparisons and a great analysis of this, check out the awesome blog Responsible Men.

My daughter, however, is too young to be sexy, and I hope she will continue to be for at least the next 16-17 years.  My daughter is a child, and by definition, a child is not sexy.  The nightmarish parents from Toddlers and Tiaras aside, I would like to think that MOST parents agree that children have no business being sexy.  We might disagree about at what age a child moves into adulthood, but to save time, let's settle on the idea that anyone who hasn't hit puberty yet is still a child, and has no place associating with the word sexy, either in their own minds or in the minds of others.  Looking around at the costumes that will be available for my baby next year,  though, I wonder if I am alone in my analysis of a child's sexiness, because sexy appears to be just what the makers of Halloween costumes want my pre-tween daughter to be.
 
I decided my daughter will be a butterfly for Halloween this year.  It seemed like a safe, sweetly feminine choice, and very fitting with the way I think of her.  So, I went looking for butterfly costumes.  I was startled by what I found.  The costume to the left, for example, is relatively unoffensive, except that it is almost identical to the one on the adult woman above, complete with a corset, a barely-there skirt, and strappy heels, all of which would be more commonly found in a Redlight district than on a child's body.  Of course, the little girl's costume doesn't look sexy, and it shouldn't.  A child's body is not designed to look sexy.  I personally think the outfit looks cute - like a cross between a butterfly, a fairy, and a ballerina, and I might let my daughter wear it if she asked.  But the costume is also teaching the girl what clothing is appropriate, and parents who choose such a costume need to look closely to decide if this costume sends a message they want to teach to their daughters.  For the sake of being practical, I'd like to add that at least where I live, this costume is not weather-appropriate, either.  By Halloween, our temperatures are pretty cold, and my daughter doesn't need to be taught that being pretty is more important than being practical!  An awesome blog posting has already been written about this topic by Pigtail Pals, and I highly recommend you read it.  She also delves into the value of a home-made costume, which I will not address here but think is a very worthy way to avoid the sexualization and sexism I am discussing in this posting.

Fortunately, there ARE cute, unsexy butterfly costumes out there if you look hard enough.  Walmart has an awesome one that I wish I had found earlier, and you can find plenty on Google as long as you have the time to overlook the less appropriate versions.  Most of the more modest costumes are designed for infants and toddlers, but some come in larger sixes (the one from Walmart is available though a child's size 6).  I got my daughter's costume at a yard sale, and it is similar with full pants and sleeves.  I am sure my daughter will be a darling butterfly, and I know I have learned a valuable lesson about costume selection that will serve me well over the next couple of years.

For now at least, dressing my daughter modestly and appropriately falls to me.  The costume companies are not evil; they provide what people are willing to buy.  It is up to Mom and Dad to decide that certain outfits aren't appropriate for their little girls, and that is what I will do.  For now, the hurdle has been cleared.  But what if my daughter doesn't want to be a butterfly next year?  What if she would rather be an astronaut?

She is out of luck, then.  I did a Google search for "Halloween girl astronaut costume," and got a bunch of costumes...for boys.  I thought perhaps my search had been too broad, so I went to different stores, such as Target, Walmart, and Costume Express and searched their sites directly.  I got the same results.  My daughter can be Princess Leia, but she can't walk on the moon.  The ONLY girls' astronaut costumes I could find were designed for strippers - oh, I mean, adults.  I got similar results when I searched for "Halloween girl police costume."  There ARE policewomen costumes out there for little girls who dream about strutting their stuff in sequins, heels, and a miniskirt in front of suspects, but none for little girls who would like to actually dress up as, uh, a policewoman.  Frankly, I find these costumes considerably more offensive than the pixie-butterfly above.  God forbid our real policewoman had to walk around in such a get-up; I can't imagine how anyone could earn the respect of their male colleagues, much less chase down a perp. When compared to the boys' police costumes, which look like true police uniforms, the difference stings.

I had only slightly better results when I searched for "Halloween girl sports costumes," since most of the costumes were sexified baseball players or cheerleaders, but there were a couple normal baseball costumes and a very cute referee costume that were mostly appropriate (both had short shorts instead of long pants, but were otherwise unobjectionable - good, perhaps, for Halloween in Florida).  In general, because costumes are divided into boys' and girls' costumes, my daughter would have to buy a boys' costume if she wanted to be an astronaut or a policewoman-sans-the-stripper.  And shop in the boys' section we will, or make our own costumes, in order to follow her dreams.  But there may come a time when she will feel a real or imagined stigma from shopping for boys' clothing.  She might avoid being an astronaut because she doesn't want to wear a boys' costume, and that could affect how she views what is appropriate for women, and for her own future.

I do not have an objection to girls looking like girls and boys looking like boys (as is evidenced by my selection of a butterfly costume for my daughter).  Growing up, I never dreamed of being an astronaut: I wanted to be a princess, an angel, a cat, etc.  If my daughter takes the girly-girl route for Halloween, I will be happy to provide, but I do not want my daughter to adjust her aspirations for life around what she believes to be a feminine or masculine occupation.  These costume limitations send a clear message: boys are astronauts, boys are policemen, and it is more important that girls look sexy in heels and skirts than get the job done.  Apparently, 21st century Halloween is stuck in a 1950's nightmare.  It is disheartening, but as parents, for the sake of our kids, we need to continue to push the envelope, to refuse to buy costumes that sex up little girls and insist that companies supply costumes that will encourage our daughters to shoot for the moon.





***Credit where credit is due: I was delighted to find that there is a wide range of girls' doctor costumes available online, with scrubs in a variety of colors (not just pink), and the same goes for girls who might dream of going into the army - they can pick from mini-skirts or full-body khakis.  This is great progress.  But flipping through the catalogs, she is bound to notice, as I did, that even the doctor and army costumes only have male models, not female, even if the costumes themselves are listed as unisex.

My Best Buys!

I want to start a series about baby-care products that I really love, and think are useful or superior. Some of these I didn't find until I was on my second child, and I regret not having them earlier, others I found from the beginning (or had recommended to me) and I'm so glad I did!  My best buys will all be designed for the budget new-product buyer, because that's what I am, so items that are top-price but reasonable when used probably won't make this list.  I hope you will find this helpful!



BEST BUY: Carriers - The Beco Gemini

Being an amateur baby-wearer, I have owned a number of baby carriers over the years.  My very first carrier was a standard Baby Bjorn, a gift from my cousin to help me get up and out when I had a newborn baby.  I LOVED the Baby Bjorn, and used it to take my son to the aquarium, shopping, or just around the house...for about a month and a half.  Then, my big baby boy started to hurt my back, and carrying him was an exhausting experience.  Honestly, I expected that all carriers felt the same, and so I didn't really investigate other carriers until my son had outgrown the weight-limits of the Bjorn, by which time carrying him in my arms was far more comfortable than putting him in the carrier.

Then, I purchased a sling so that I could carry him on my hip, but it was also a back-ache waiting to happen.  I also tried a Mei-Tai, an Ergo, and a Moby Wrap, but none met my needs (the Moby Wrap's flaw, to it's credit, was that my children hated it - it fit me just fine).  Finally, when my son was about 11-months old, I found and purchased a Beco Butterfly II from an excellent online seller known as FrogMama (I especially love her return policy!).  This carrier was very comfortable, and pretty easy to use for a beginner back-carrier.  I still love that carrier, but the downside is that my son, used to facing forward in the Baby Bjorn, was not thrilled about having to face in in the Butterfly.  Also, the interior sling makes a back-carry much easier for the inexperienced baby-wearer, but it seems to get in the way and complicate things once back-carrying has been mastered.

When my daughter was born, I went looking for a carrier that would allow out- as well as in-facing, and I found the Beco Gemini (also available from FrogMama).  This is an awesome carrier.  It has a bunch of different, great features.  You can wear it in a hip carry, back carry, and front carry (both in- and out-facing, which distinguishes it from the Ergo), you can narrow or widen the crotch area depending on the size of the baby and the type of carry (no infant insert needed), and you can lower or raise the neck support.  You can also cross the straps on your back or wear the carrier back-pack style depending on what is most comfortable for you, and it has the added hip support that is missing from the Baby Bjorn to make everything that much easier on your back.  You can carry a child from 6-35 pounds, which means it will work for at least two years for the average child (my two-and-a-half year old is in the 60% for weight and I can still carry him comfortably)!  It runs around $130 (compared to the Ergo, which runs $115-$160 depending on the style, or the Babyhawk Oh Snap, which is solidly at $150), but you can sometimes find it on sale.

Cons?  Just a couple.  First, if you have a short (in length) baby, you may find that they are physically ready for the out-facing carry long before they are tall enough to fit in the carrier out-facing, which can be irritating.  Also, the carrier only seems to come in very dark colors, so if you have a household like mine that is filled with animal hair, or your baby is prone to spitting up, your carrier will rarely look sparkling clean even when washed regularly.  But despite these cons, I still believe the Beco Gemini to be the best carrier out there, and I would recommend it to anyone.



Please note that although this carrier does offer out-facing front-carry, that is NOT the recommended way to carry a child, as that particular carry is hard on a baby's back, and so such a carry should never be used for extended periods of time. 

Why Won't This New Mom Wash Her Hair?

Click here to read a really interesting article about "the fascinating postpartum customs of women from around the world," by Rebecca Tuhus-Debrow.

For Women's Eyes Only

If I have any male readers (at this point, I am not even sure I have any female readers!) then I apologize in advance, but this posting is targeted at a female audience.

On a personal feminine note, after I began cloth-diapering, I also began noticing how much waste I was producing myself as a woman.  Diapering is not the only way to go cloth.  Breast-feeding moms probably already know that in addition to all of the disposable breast pads, several companies also offer "reusable" breast pads, although they can be harder to find.  Some of these are not nice quality at all, but I really like the Avent-brand reusable pads (I have never used FuzziBunz pads, although I know they make them).  They are soft, absorbent, easily washed and dried, and like cloth diapers, you'll need to change them a bit more often and they are expensive up front but cheaper in the long run.  You can find them at Babies R Us, and I highly recommend them.

All women, whether or not we are moms, use a product very similar to disposable diapers on a regular basis.  Pads and tampons clog our toilets and fill up our landfills at an alarming rate.  So why isn't anyone talking about it?  Probably because the discussion is at best taboo and at worst disgusting to people.  But there actually are green options available to women who don't want to clutter up the landfill (with diapers or pads)!  For women who prefer tampons, I recommend something called the Diva Cup.  I have personally never used one (I don't like tampons, either), so I spoke to a couple of my green friends.  They love them!  It is a one-time expense, without worrying about clogging the toilet, filling the landfill, or overnight leaks.  Easy to use and comfortable to wear, I am assured, although one friend added the caveat that it is probably a better product for women who have had sexual experience, as that will make it easier to insert and remove.

For women who prefer the pads-route (such as myself), there are cloth pads not dissimilar to cloth diapers.  There are actually many brands available, so I won't name them all, but I personally prefer FuzziBunz and Happy Heiny's (another brand known for their diapers) over brands such as Glad Rags and Sckoon Organic.  They are comfortable, very absorbent, easy to use without bunching, and have all of the other qualities of a good cloth diaper.  I keep a small covered trash can next to the toilet and put the pads in there when I change them.  Then I throw them in with my kids' cloth diapers, washed with the same detergent on the same cycle in the same temperatures.  They can be dried in a dryer or on a line.  I don't have much trouble with staining, and I have actually had less leaking than when I used plastic pads (I suspect because I change these more often).  So easy, and so much better for the planet!

We're Back!

We took a bit of a break, first because I had nothing to write, and then because I could not be inspired to write.  The Great Tohoku Earthquake (followed by the massive Tsunami that changed hundreds of thousands of people's lives forever) shook my world as well as Japan.  I will not go into detail about myself, since I did not set this blog up to be a diary for myself, but it is suffice to say that I speak Japanese, I lived in Japan for a period of time before I was married, and I have many Japanese friends.  I dream of one day returning there with my family to share the land and the culture that I love with my children. 

Watching the footage of the Tsunami sweeping through the towns of Tohoku was heart-rending for me.  The streets looked familiar - they could have been a couple of blocks over from where I lived.  The suffering of the people is beyond my comprehension, and when I think about the fact that mothers lost children and children lost parents, I feel sick.  I can't even bring myself to think about all of the animals that are searching for their families (I have 3 dogs, and they were my babies before I had babies), and the nuclear disaster which has gotten so much alarmist press over here but which continues to ruin the livelihoods of Japanese farmers over there.  I can't really articulate these feelings, and actually, I don't want to.  But it has been very difficult for me to write about the insignificant issues and complications of parenting while there are parents out there searching for their babies. 

Please click the following link to visit the website of The American Red Cross and donate what you can afford to give to help the people of Japan.  The disaster isn't over the moment it ceases to be 24-hour news.  Thank you.