Best Buy - Bundle Me

BEST BUY: Stroller Blankets - The JJ Cole BundleMe

Since my last Best Buy posting was about a carrier, I thought I should even things out by addressing strollers.  I have not chosen to review strollers yet because, frankly, I own five strollers and each has its own value and purpose, and none have yet struck me as superior to all others (although I do want to put a good word in for the Combi Twin Sport, which is a very easy-to-use and light-weight double stroller).  Instead, I want to address stroller blankets, which have been on my mind since the weather turned cooler.  When everyone in our family is healthy, we walk daily (I have three dogs to exercise!) and while my son, at almost three, usually runs ahead of us, my daughter is still stroller- or carrier-bound.  As the risk for ice (and slipping) becomes more pronounced, I carry her less and rely on the stroller more. Keeping her warm in the stroller has been a challenge, however, since she kicks off any blankets I put on her (they cannot be effectively wrapped since she is strapped into a five-point harness), and spending a half-hour every day to dress her in a snowsuit and jacket, hat, scarf, and gloves, resizing the stroller restraints, etc. is not only a waste of time, but it guarantees that my children will be cranky before we even get started.

So, when the weather was just down to the lower 50s, I began looking for an alternative.  There are many such brands out there, including the awesome-looking Warm as a Lamb, the Cozy Cub, Baby Trend, and the JJ Cole Bundle Me, as well as several brands that are particular to specific stroller brands.  I compared prices, reviews, and my own needs, and decided against the Warm as a Lamb, although it has the most enthusiastic reviews, because of both price and the fact that a different item must be purchased if you have a single or a double stroller.  As I stated, I own multiple strollers, including a side-by-side double stroller (the Combi), two Tandem strollers, and two single strollers.  The next two most highly-reviewed buntings within my price range (under $100) were the Cozy Cub by OneStepAhead and JJ Cole's Bundle Me.  I chose the Bundle Me because the Cozy Cub has holes for a child's arms.  I can certainly see the value in this design, especially for an older child like my son, but my daughter, at just 14-months old, does not need her hands out and is more likely to get cold, lose gloves, etc. with that option.

The JJ Cole Bundle Me comes in five styles - the Lite, the Urban, the Original, the Original Weather-Resistant (which is new), and the Arctic.  All styles come in both an Infant version (designed to fit over the carry-along carseat) and a Toddler version, estimated to last from 1-3 years of age.  They fit (with some adjustment) on my Graco Travel System as well as the Combi Twin Sport, but although they do fit on the Contours Options Tandem stroller, they slide down so badly that I do not recommend them for use with this stroller.  They fit my daughter with plenty of room, and my son, at 2 and a half and in the 90th percentile for height, also fits in them quite comfortably.  They zip up to the shoulders of my son and the neck of my daughter, meaning that I only need to provide a warm hat for my daughter and she can go entirely jacketless.

The Bundle Me Lite is perfect for cooling autumnal weather.  With a soft inner layer and a water- and wind-proof outer layer, it resembles a full-body windbreaker.  The Bundle Me Urban is the next heaviest blanket, with some filling, very soft micro-suede on the inner layer, and a water- and wind-resistant outer layer that feels like the same material from which nice sleeping bags are made. We have been using this bag in our now-mid-40s weather with much success.  The Original is very thick and warm, but not water- or wind-resistant, which was not only disappointing to me but also to many of the reviewers on Amazon.com.  If you intend this blanket to be for car-seat use, the Original may be the perfect choice, but for those of us wishing to walk with it, it is not functional in a lot of winter weather.  I have personally rectified this problem by doubling up - my daughter fits very snugly in the Original, which is then tucked inside the Urban.  I do not recommend this solution, however, since JJ Cole has since released their new Original Weather-Resistant Bundle Me, which they boast has all the warm snuggliness of the Original with a water- and wind-proof shell.  The Arctic Bundle Me is a combination of all of the others, with very thick padding and a heavy canvas exterior that is water- and wind-proof.  The Arctic also has a removable top to help prevent over-heating, and a hood to help block the wind.  This is probably the best choice for those in very cold climates (many of the Amazon reviewers were from Michigan and Minnesota), but at over double the price of the Original, I found that purchasing the Urban and the Original and doubling up was actually the cheaper option.

The Bundle-Me's wash well, but the zippers are notoriously difficult to use, as they are a bit cheap and also get caught in the material.  I try to avoid unzipping them much, which in turn prevents having to zip them up much.  These are approved for use in a car-seat (UNLIKE YOUR CHILD'S WINTER JACKET - Please click here for more information about NOT using a coat in car-seats!), but I think this makes more sense for infants than toddlers, because strapping them into the Bundle Me is just another hassle when you can just use a couple of heavy blankets over your child.  However, if you do not have a garage or your car otherwise gets extremely cold, this might be warmer than blankets for your child.

Why Can't My Daughter Be An Astronaut?

My daughter is too young to care about her Halloween costume.  She was born shortly before Halloween last year, and since my son is about to enter preschool and still doesn't care what costume I pick for him, I hope that I will have a couple more years before I am fighting off any of her requests for princess finery.  This works out well for me, because though I like to dress my daughter in girly outfits, I don't think that most of the costumes I've seen in the various Halloween catalogs are at all appropriate for my child.

Have you noticed how Halloween has become such a sexy holiday for women?  If not, do a Google search for "Halloween costume woman" and count how many UNSEXY costumes you get back as results.  I don't mean unsexy as in "zombie" or "Big Bird," but unsexy as in longer skirts (or better yet, pants!), loose bodices, costumes with sleeves, costumes that cover enough to go out trick-or-treating with your kids.  You know what I mean: costumes that you could wear to the Playboy Club without being mistaken for a Halloween Bunny.  I found a couple; they are out there.  For the most part, though, if I want to buy a ready-made costume, I need to prepare to be either completely hideous or a sex kitten.  Some costumes even let me be both!  If I want to wear pants instead of a skirt, my choices are even more limited.  Apparently, modern Halloween exists for women to slink into skankiness, just as Lindsay Lohan's character Cady Heron says in the movie 'Mean Girls,' "In Girl World, Halloween is the one night a year when a girl can dress up like a total slut and no other girls can say anything about it."  It is a time for us to dress up like the showgirls that men know we secretly are inside (watch out for sarcasm!)  For more comparisons and a great analysis of this, check out the awesome blog Responsible Men.

My daughter, however, is too young to be sexy, and I hope she will continue to be for at least the next 16-17 years.  My daughter is a child, and by definition, a child is not sexy.  The nightmarish parents from Toddlers and Tiaras aside, I would like to think that MOST parents agree that children have no business being sexy.  We might disagree about at what age a child moves into adulthood, but to save time, let's settle on the idea that anyone who hasn't hit puberty yet is still a child, and has no place associating with the word sexy, either in their own minds or in the minds of others.  Looking around at the costumes that will be available for my baby next year,  though, I wonder if I am alone in my analysis of a child's sexiness, because sexy appears to be just what the makers of Halloween costumes want my pre-tween daughter to be.
 
I decided my daughter will be a butterfly for Halloween this year.  It seemed like a safe, sweetly feminine choice, and very fitting with the way I think of her.  So, I went looking for butterfly costumes.  I was startled by what I found.  The costume to the left, for example, is relatively unoffensive, except that it is almost identical to the one on the adult woman above, complete with a corset, a barely-there skirt, and strappy heels, all of which would be more commonly found in a Redlight district than on a child's body.  Of course, the little girl's costume doesn't look sexy, and it shouldn't.  A child's body is not designed to look sexy.  I personally think the outfit looks cute - like a cross between a butterfly, a fairy, and a ballerina, and I might let my daughter wear it if she asked.  But the costume is also teaching the girl what clothing is appropriate, and parents who choose such a costume need to look closely to decide if this costume sends a message they want to teach to their daughters.  For the sake of being practical, I'd like to add that at least where I live, this costume is not weather-appropriate, either.  By Halloween, our temperatures are pretty cold, and my daughter doesn't need to be taught that being pretty is more important than being practical!  An awesome blog posting has already been written about this topic by Pigtail Pals, and I highly recommend you read it.  She also delves into the value of a home-made costume, which I will not address here but think is a very worthy way to avoid the sexualization and sexism I am discussing in this posting.

Fortunately, there ARE cute, unsexy butterfly costumes out there if you look hard enough.  Walmart has an awesome one that I wish I had found earlier, and you can find plenty on Google as long as you have the time to overlook the less appropriate versions.  Most of the more modest costumes are designed for infants and toddlers, but some come in larger sixes (the one from Walmart is available though a child's size 6).  I got my daughter's costume at a yard sale, and it is similar with full pants and sleeves.  I am sure my daughter will be a darling butterfly, and I know I have learned a valuable lesson about costume selection that will serve me well over the next couple of years.

For now at least, dressing my daughter modestly and appropriately falls to me.  The costume companies are not evil; they provide what people are willing to buy.  It is up to Mom and Dad to decide that certain outfits aren't appropriate for their little girls, and that is what I will do.  For now, the hurdle has been cleared.  But what if my daughter doesn't want to be a butterfly next year?  What if she would rather be an astronaut?

She is out of luck, then.  I did a Google search for "Halloween girl astronaut costume," and got a bunch of costumes...for boys.  I thought perhaps my search had been too broad, so I went to different stores, such as Target, Walmart, and Costume Express and searched their sites directly.  I got the same results.  My daughter can be Princess Leia, but she can't walk on the moon.  The ONLY girls' astronaut costumes I could find were designed for strippers - oh, I mean, adults.  I got similar results when I searched for "Halloween girl police costume."  There ARE policewomen costumes out there for little girls who dream about strutting their stuff in sequins, heels, and a miniskirt in front of suspects, but none for little girls who would like to actually dress up as, uh, a policewoman.  Frankly, I find these costumes considerably more offensive than the pixie-butterfly above.  God forbid our real policewoman had to walk around in such a get-up; I can't imagine how anyone could earn the respect of their male colleagues, much less chase down a perp. When compared to the boys' police costumes, which look like true police uniforms, the difference stings.

I had only slightly better results when I searched for "Halloween girl sports costumes," since most of the costumes were sexified baseball players or cheerleaders, but there were a couple normal baseball costumes and a very cute referee costume that were mostly appropriate (both had short shorts instead of long pants, but were otherwise unobjectionable - good, perhaps, for Halloween in Florida).  In general, because costumes are divided into boys' and girls' costumes, my daughter would have to buy a boys' costume if she wanted to be an astronaut or a policewoman-sans-the-stripper.  And shop in the boys' section we will, or make our own costumes, in order to follow her dreams.  But there may come a time when she will feel a real or imagined stigma from shopping for boys' clothing.  She might avoid being an astronaut because she doesn't want to wear a boys' costume, and that could affect how she views what is appropriate for women, and for her own future.

I do not have an objection to girls looking like girls and boys looking like boys (as is evidenced by my selection of a butterfly costume for my daughter).  Growing up, I never dreamed of being an astronaut: I wanted to be a princess, an angel, a cat, etc.  If my daughter takes the girly-girl route for Halloween, I will be happy to provide, but I do not want my daughter to adjust her aspirations for life around what she believes to be a feminine or masculine occupation.  These costume limitations send a clear message: boys are astronauts, boys are policemen, and it is more important that girls look sexy in heels and skirts than get the job done.  Apparently, 21st century Halloween is stuck in a 1950's nightmare.  It is disheartening, but as parents, for the sake of our kids, we need to continue to push the envelope, to refuse to buy costumes that sex up little girls and insist that companies supply costumes that will encourage our daughters to shoot for the moon.





***Credit where credit is due: I was delighted to find that there is a wide range of girls' doctor costumes available online, with scrubs in a variety of colors (not just pink), and the same goes for girls who might dream of going into the army - they can pick from mini-skirts or full-body khakis.  This is great progress.  But flipping through the catalogs, she is bound to notice, as I did, that even the doctor and army costumes only have male models, not female, even if the costumes themselves are listed as unisex.

My Best Buys!

I want to start a series about baby-care products that I really love, and think are useful or superior. Some of these I didn't find until I was on my second child, and I regret not having them earlier, others I found from the beginning (or had recommended to me) and I'm so glad I did!  My best buys will all be designed for the budget new-product buyer, because that's what I am, so items that are top-price but reasonable when used probably won't make this list.  I hope you will find this helpful!



BEST BUY: Carriers - The Beco Gemini

Being an amateur baby-wearer, I have owned a number of baby carriers over the years.  My very first carrier was a standard Baby Bjorn, a gift from my cousin to help me get up and out when I had a newborn baby.  I LOVED the Baby Bjorn, and used it to take my son to the aquarium, shopping, or just around the house...for about a month and a half.  Then, my big baby boy started to hurt my back, and carrying him was an exhausting experience.  Honestly, I expected that all carriers felt the same, and so I didn't really investigate other carriers until my son had outgrown the weight-limits of the Bjorn, by which time carrying him in my arms was far more comfortable than putting him in the carrier.

Then, I purchased a sling so that I could carry him on my hip, but it was also a back-ache waiting to happen.  I also tried a Mei-Tai, an Ergo, and a Moby Wrap, but none met my needs (the Moby Wrap's flaw, to it's credit, was that my children hated it - it fit me just fine).  Finally, when my son was about 11-months old, I found and purchased a Beco Butterfly II from an excellent online seller known as FrogMama (I especially love her return policy!).  This carrier was very comfortable, and pretty easy to use for a beginner back-carrier.  I still love that carrier, but the downside is that my son, used to facing forward in the Baby Bjorn, was not thrilled about having to face in in the Butterfly.  Also, the interior sling makes a back-carry much easier for the inexperienced baby-wearer, but it seems to get in the way and complicate things once back-carrying has been mastered.

When my daughter was born, I went looking for a carrier that would allow out- as well as in-facing, and I found the Beco Gemini (also available from FrogMama).  This is an awesome carrier.  It has a bunch of different, great features.  You can wear it in a hip carry, back carry, and front carry (both in- and out-facing, which distinguishes it from the Ergo), you can narrow or widen the crotch area depending on the size of the baby and the type of carry (no infant insert needed), and you can lower or raise the neck support.  You can also cross the straps on your back or wear the carrier back-pack style depending on what is most comfortable for you, and it has the added hip support that is missing from the Baby Bjorn to make everything that much easier on your back.  You can carry a child from 6-35 pounds, which means it will work for at least two years for the average child (my two-and-a-half year old is in the 60% for weight and I can still carry him comfortably)!  It runs around $130 (compared to the Ergo, which runs $115-$160 depending on the style, or the Babyhawk Oh Snap, which is solidly at $150), but you can sometimes find it on sale.

Cons?  Just a couple.  First, if you have a short (in length) baby, you may find that they are physically ready for the out-facing carry long before they are tall enough to fit in the carrier out-facing, which can be irritating.  Also, the carrier only seems to come in very dark colors, so if you have a household like mine that is filled with animal hair, or your baby is prone to spitting up, your carrier will rarely look sparkling clean even when washed regularly.  But despite these cons, I still believe the Beco Gemini to be the best carrier out there, and I would recommend it to anyone.



Please note that although this carrier does offer out-facing front-carry, that is NOT the recommended way to carry a child, as that particular carry is hard on a baby's back, and so such a carry should never be used for extended periods of time. 

Why Won't This New Mom Wash Her Hair?

Click here to read a really interesting article about "the fascinating postpartum customs of women from around the world," by Rebecca Tuhus-Debrow.

For Women's Eyes Only

If I have any male readers (at this point, I am not even sure I have any female readers!) then I apologize in advance, but this posting is targeted at a female audience.

On a personal feminine note, after I began cloth-diapering, I also began noticing how much waste I was producing myself as a woman.  Diapering is not the only way to go cloth.  Breast-feeding moms probably already know that in addition to all of the disposable breast pads, several companies also offer "reusable" breast pads, although they can be harder to find.  Some of these are not nice quality at all, but I really like the Avent-brand reusable pads (I have never used FuzziBunz pads, although I know they make them).  They are soft, absorbent, easily washed and dried, and like cloth diapers, you'll need to change them a bit more often and they are expensive up front but cheaper in the long run.  You can find them at Babies R Us, and I highly recommend them.

All women, whether or not we are moms, use a product very similar to disposable diapers on a regular basis.  Pads and tampons clog our toilets and fill up our landfills at an alarming rate.  So why isn't anyone talking about it?  Probably because the discussion is at best taboo and at worst disgusting to people.  But there actually are green options available to women who don't want to clutter up the landfill (with diapers or pads)!  For women who prefer tampons, I recommend something called the Diva Cup.  I have personally never used one (I don't like tampons, either), so I spoke to a couple of my green friends.  They love them!  It is a one-time expense, without worrying about clogging the toilet, filling the landfill, or overnight leaks.  Easy to use and comfortable to wear, I am assured, although one friend added the caveat that it is probably a better product for women who have had sexual experience, as that will make it easier to insert and remove.

For women who prefer the pads-route (such as myself), there are cloth pads not dissimilar to cloth diapers.  There are actually many brands available, so I won't name them all, but I personally prefer FuzziBunz and Happy Heiny's (another brand known for their diapers) over brands such as Glad Rags and Sckoon Organic.  They are comfortable, very absorbent, easy to use without bunching, and have all of the other qualities of a good cloth diaper.  I keep a small covered trash can next to the toilet and put the pads in there when I change them.  Then I throw them in with my kids' cloth diapers, washed with the same detergent on the same cycle in the same temperatures.  They can be dried in a dryer or on a line.  I don't have much trouble with staining, and I have actually had less leaking than when I used plastic pads (I suspect because I change these more often).  So easy, and so much better for the planet!

We're Back!

We took a bit of a break, first because I had nothing to write, and then because I could not be inspired to write.  The Great Tohoku Earthquake (followed by the massive Tsunami that changed hundreds of thousands of people's lives forever) shook my world as well as Japan.  I will not go into detail about myself, since I did not set this blog up to be a diary for myself, but it is suffice to say that I speak Japanese, I lived in Japan for a period of time before I was married, and I have many Japanese friends.  I dream of one day returning there with my family to share the land and the culture that I love with my children. 

Watching the footage of the Tsunami sweeping through the towns of Tohoku was heart-rending for me.  The streets looked familiar - they could have been a couple of blocks over from where I lived.  The suffering of the people is beyond my comprehension, and when I think about the fact that mothers lost children and children lost parents, I feel sick.  I can't even bring myself to think about all of the animals that are searching for their families (I have 3 dogs, and they were my babies before I had babies), and the nuclear disaster which has gotten so much alarmist press over here but which continues to ruin the livelihoods of Japanese farmers over there.  I can't really articulate these feelings, and actually, I don't want to.  But it has been very difficult for me to write about the insignificant issues and complications of parenting while there are parents out there searching for their babies. 

Please click the following link to visit the website of The American Red Cross and donate what you can afford to give to help the people of Japan.  The disaster isn't over the moment it ceases to be 24-hour news.  Thank you.

Washing Cloth Diapers

Every parent has a different way of cleaning their cloth diapers, and many different brands of cloth diapers come with specific instructions, as well.  This is how I clean my diapers, and thus far, it is working for me.  For parents who are new to cloth diapers, I hope these tips will be helpful.  I also HIGHLY recommend you check out The Diaper Jungle's website.  I don't agree with everything she says, but it's all useful!

I keep a bucket in my child's bedroom, next to the changing table for soiled diapers.  When my kids were eating breast milk exclusively, I would even toss poopy diapers in the bucket, because breast-milk waste breaks down in water.  My daughter is now taking some solids, though, and my son is entirely on solids, and so poopy diapers go inside out into a bucket filled with water (my daughter) or the poop gets dumped (along with a flushable insert) into the toilet and then the diaper gets tossed in the bucket with everything else (my son).

Flushable diaper liners are a wonderful invention.  They make cleaning up poopy diapers so much easier, since all you have to do is dump and flush, often leaving diapers clean enough to toss into the regular diaper pail!  They also enable parents to use Desitin and other diaper-rash creams with cloth diapers, since zinc-oxide-based creams RUIN the absorbency of cloth diapers.  But a diaper liner protects the diaper from the cream while you protect your baby's bum with the cream.  As an added bonus, they're biodegradable!  There are lots of brands to choose from, but my favorites are the Real Nappies brand.

When it is time to do laundry, dump the dry pail of  soiled diapers right in, and pull the poopy diapers out of the wet pail (do not dump the poopy water into your washer - dump it into your toilet).  I use tongs to pull the poopy diapers out of the water, because I'm wussy about getting my hands dirty, but you don't have to.  Then, spray Bac-Out or sprinkle Baking Soda in the bucket to deodorize and prepare for the next batch of dirty diapers.  Try to stay away from chemicals like Lysol or bleach, which can irritate your child's skin and break-down the diaper fibers.

I prefer run a rinse load first, to get the dirty out of the diapers so that stuff isn't in the water when I start washing.   Then, run your regular load of laundry, making sure to use diaper-safe detergent.  Standard laundry detergents such as Tide carry several risks for cloth diapers.  The first and most obvious is chemicals and fragrances, which may be what you are trying to escape by using cloth.  If this is your only concern, then Free & Clear options may seem like a good choice, but beware.  The petroleum found in these detergents (that's right, Tide and other detergents are made of oil) gives clothing a protective coating, and so over time it "seals" the diaper, making it less absorbent.  Petroleum-free detergents are not only better for the environment, but also better for your cloth diapers (which are better for the environment!)^[*]#5  There are detergents that are plant-based and petroleum-free like Seventh Generation and Method detergents (available at Target and Babies R Us), detergents that are highly recommended for cloth diapers, such as Charlie's Soap, and there are even detergents designed specifically for cloth diapers, such as Rockin Green or Bum Genius Diaper Detergent.  I love Charlie's Soap because I can use it on my children's clothes as well as diapers, and it is much less expensive than the detergents designed specifically for cloth diapers.

During the wash cycle or the final rinse, I add 1-2 cups of regular white vinegar.  Standard white vinegar (Kroger and Walmart both sell it by the gallon) is the cloth diaperer's secret weapon.  Add it to the wash or rinse cycle, and add some to the poop bucket when you have a diaper soaking in it.  It works as a natural fabric softener and deodorizer, without any harsh chemicals or fragrance.  I have never had a problem with my washer or diapers smelling, and I credit this trick!  NEVER use chemical fabric softener on your cloth diapers.

Many cloth diaper brands, such as Bum Genius and FuzzBunz, instruct you to wash their diapers in hot water.  Hot water can help to expand the fibers in cloth diapers, so I always recommend running your first couple of loads with new diapers on hot.  You do not, however, have to wash your diapers on hot continuously, as modern detergents do not clean any more efficiently in hot water, and washers do not normally get hot enough to kill off dangerous germs or bacteria, anyway (160-170 degrees Fahrenheit is considered the standard temperature needed to kill E. Coli, for example, and energy and baby experts both recommend you keep your water-heater set around 120 degrees).  Most dirty diapers do not carry harmful bacteria such as E. Coli, and so disinfecting isn't a concern (more on that below) unless you know your child has a serious bacterial infection.  I do not like to encourage the use of bleach, but if you know your child has a bacterial infection or a very serious case of food poisoning, you may want to consider running a bleach rinse of your washing machine after washing cloth diapers in order to clean out the tub of your washer before the next load goes in.  Do not mix bleach with the cloth load, as it will break down the fibers in your diapers.

I am a particularly cautious Mama, and so I always run a secondary rinse on my children's clothes and cloth diapers after the wash cycle (which includes its own rinse cycle) has completed.  This makes certain that all of the detergent is rinsed out of the diapers, because even environmentally-safe detergents can be irritating to the skin.

Finally, it is time to dry the diapers.  Both a dryer or hanging the diapers in sunlight will not only dry the diapers, but also disinfect them.  Sunlight is the natural world's bleach, as it removes staining and smells and also has antibacterial properties, and the dryer DOES get hot enough to kill off most germs and bacteria, so either method will sanitize your diapers for Baby's bum.  If you use the dryer but discover that your diapers are stained, set them out in the sun for a day, anyway, and they'll clear right up.  If you decide to hang-dry your diapers, you may want to run them through the dryer briefly on air-fluff afterward just to soften them up a bit.  This will use less energy than drying them entirely in the dryer, with the same results!

心に春がいる

I am going to stray from my usual parenting discussions for this post, just because the beautiful weather lately has inspired a "natsukashii" or nostalgic feeling in me.  My Japanese is a bit rusty, but this is the general idea.  If you cannot read the characters, install a Japanese program on to your computer.  I promise that, for the next post, I will return to our usual programming.

さくら　さくら　　　　Cherry blossoms, cherry blossoms
野山も　里も　　　　　Over fields, mountains, and countryside
見渡す　限り　　　　　As far as you can see
霞か　雲か　　　　　　Mist or a cloud?
朝日に　匂う　　　　　Fragrant in the morning sun
さくら　さくら　　　　Cherry blossoms, cherry blossoms
花　ざかり　　　　　　Flowers in bloom

さくら　さくら　　　　Cherry blossoms, cherry blossoms
弥生の　空は　　　　　Across the Spring sky
見渡す　限り　　　　　As far as you can see
霞か　雲か　　　　　　Mist or a cloud?
匂いぞ　出ずる　　　　The fragrance wafts out
いざや　いざや　　　　Go, go
見に　行かん　　　　　Go to look, finally

Eating Out with Kids

The BBC recently ran an interesting article about eating out with your children, entitled Toddlers in restaurants - a social battlefield.  For any mother or father of young children, this article doesn't present any new information, but it is comforting to know that I am not alone in the stress of trying to eat out with little ones.  The references to family-friendly restaurants is irrelevant to those of us not living in the U.K., but the advice is good.  I have reprinted it below, as well as a couple of my own personal tips and tricks:

• Go to a restaurant that won't stress you or the kids out
• Go when the toddlers are not too hungry
• Take a stash of books or small quiet toys
• Try and sit away from the romantic couples
• There is safety in numbers
• If your children cannot be quieted take them outside until calm is restored
• Source for above information: Katie O'Donovan, Mumsnet (http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-12440906)

• Choose low-traffic times to go out, such as lunches, early dinners, and week nights
• Choose a restaurant with good service or a short wait (buffets are great for kids)
• Don't be afraid to use the Time Out - even in public.
• Ask for to-go boxes and the check as soon as your food is served, so that in case of emergency, you can get out efficiently
• Never underestimate the value of carry-out

Common Reasons People Avoid Cloth

I have been asking my other mom friends why they do or do not use cloth, and several answers have come up repeatedly. I wanted to address those here, because many of them can be overcome. These are not in any particular order:

1. My mother used cloth - it's too old fashioned.

I found that people who responded this way hadn't done any research into cloth diapers before they decided on disposables. The cloth diapers available to parents today don't even resemble the cloth diapers our mothers used (although you can still find bleached prefolds, plastic pants, and safety pins if you do all your cloth-diaper shopping at Babies R Us).  These days, cloth diapers come in all sorts of shapes and colors to fit your personal needs. I will address different types of cloth diapers in another posting, but you can now find diapers to suit basically any lifestyle, and many cloth diapers look just like disposables - one piece that you put on, and then remove when soiled, no folding or pinning required.

      2. I just never got around to trying cloth.

You don't have to begin cloth diapering when your first child is a newborn to make the experience worthwhile, either to the environment or your pocketbook. I began cloth-diapering part-time when my son was 8 months old. I didn't progress to full-time until he was closer to 16 months old; until then, I still put him in disposables when we left the house. I am now CDing full-time, using his old diapers on my daughter! Unless your youngest child is out of diapers completely, or will be soon, there is probably a cloth diapering solution that will save you money (and save the environment).

      3. My child's skin is too sensitive for cloth diapers.

This is an interesting argument, because it boils down to what sort of skin sensitivities your child has, and what you do about it. There is some debate about whether cloth diapers are better or worse for children prone to diaper rashes, and from what I have read, there is no real consensus. Diaper rashes are caused either by skin irritation due to wetness, or by allergies. Disposable diapers whisk moisture away from the skin, whereas cloth diapers keep moisture up against the skin, and so when disposables first became available, they were heralded as the solution to diaper rashes. However, because disposables hold more liquid, parents began leaving their children in soiled diapers longer, waiting until the diaper was full rather than changing it as soon as it was wet (something you cannot do with cloth diapers because it will cause them to leak). This practice, when combined with the over 200 chemicals found in standard disposable diapers, has led to just as many diaper rashes as cloth ever did.

If your child reacts immediately or violently to a wet diaper, then disposables may be the solution, but only if you change them every 2-3 hours, as you would a cloth diaper. However, if your child has chemical sensitivities (my daughter develops a diaper rash within an hour or two of wearing any disposable), cloth could be the solution. If your child has a chemical reaction to cloth diapers, please change your laundry detergent immediately.

      4. Cloth diapering is gross (I don't want to handle poo!)

No one wants to handle poopy diapers. I completely understand - I am very squeamish, and I HATE to get my hands dirty. I plan to address how to efficiently wash cloth diapers in another post, but I will deal with it briefly, here.

While I understand not wanting to handle poo, there are a couple of problems with this argument. The first is the premise that you won't have to handle poo if you use disposable diapers. Sorry, but any mother who has had an infant knows this isn't the case. There will be leaks, blow-outs, accidents, and of course, there is always the need to wipe up afterward. Parents kind of get used to handling poo. If you accept that, at several points during your child's youth (even when using disposables) you will get poo on your hands, perhaps cloth won't seem as scary.

Even more importantly, human waste in landfills is considered a serious health hazard. The World Health Organization, the CDC, and the APHA recommend that ALL human waste be FLUSHED, regardless as to whether or not it was caught in a disposable or cloth diaper.  Many parents don't realize this, because only socially-responsible companies such as 365 (Whole Foods) and Seventh Generation brand diapers actually list the instructions to flush human waste on their disposable diaper packaging. However, Pampers and Huggies both list these instructions on their websites, if you know where to look (and believe me, most people don't). If you do use disposables, PLEASE FLUSH ALL OF THE SOLID WASTE DOWN THE TOILET. Water-treatment plants exist to clean up this disease-carrying material. If you are being environmentally responsible, you will end up handling poo in any case.

      5. Cloth diapers leak.

If your cloth diapers leak, there is one of three reasons for it. First, cloth diapers need to be changed regularly. In my experience, once you're past the newborn stage, cloth diapers should be changed every 2-3 hours. If you let them go longer, you may get leaks (since the liquid has no place to go).

Second, you may have crummy diapers. The standard Gerber cloth that you can find at Target or Walmart is not going to hold very much or fit your baby snugly. gDiapers were a great idea, and they have brought cloth into more mainstream establishments (both Babies R Us and Whole Foods carry gDiapers, but no other cloth brand diapers), but I've actually yet to meet anyone who liked them (although I'm sure they must be out there...) Diapers with hemp or microfiber absorption will do a better job than the heavily-processed cotton you can buy at BRU.

Finally, even the best diapers will leak if the fit is wrong. Much like disposable-users choosing between Pampers and Luvs, cloth-users will have to decide between Thirsties and Motherease, and between one-size-fits-all and sized-to-fit diapers. Even fancy pocket diapers like Bum Genius and FuzziBunz have a particular fit to them, and it can take a couple of tries to figure out what works for your baby. This sounds like more work than it actually is, but I do recommend that parents considering cloth buy a couple from each group of diapers instead of purchasing an entire diaper system up front, to get a feel for what works for you.

      6. Cloth diapers are too expensive.

As I covered in my previous post, cloth diapers (no matter the brand) will actually save you money in the long run, but they do cost a lot more upfront. My son has about 40 cloth diapers (spread out over several sizes), and each diaper (or set of cover and prefold) cost about $15 apiece. Being conservative, then, I spent $600 on his diapers!  Wow, that's a lot of money! When compared to the $18 that a bag of Huggies Pure & Naturals would cost me, that's a gigantic difference! But the $600 is a one-time cost, and I'd be paying $18 every 14 days until he's out of diapers, bringing the total I would spend on disposables to between $1500 and $2000. Considering that my daughter is now wearing the same cloth diapers (cost of cloth for her, $0), and my savings for having two kids in cloth comes to at least $2400! Even if you add in special cloth-diapering laundry detergent (I buy Charlie's Soap - it costs $25 and lasts me over 6 months), electricity, and water, the savings are significant.

Having said that, I understand that many people cannot afford to lay out $600 up front for diapers. I couldn't, either. I bought the diapers as my son sized into them - smalls, then mediums, etc. There are also less-expensive options such as buying from Cloth Diaper Clearance or DiaperSwappers.com, going on Freecycle, or using a friend's old diapers.

      7. My daycare doesn't accept cloth diapers.

This is one reason why more people need to begin cloth-diapering, but it is a problem that I cannot solve. I recommend parents go to their daycare, show off some of the easier styles of cloth diapers (seriously, they can't handle Bum Genius?), and try to get other parents who use that daycare involved. If it is what the clients want, daycares will change to accommodate them. But if none of the other parents are interested, or the daycare refuses to change its policy, you're stuck with the options of switching providers or using disposables, at least while at the daycare.

      8. Cloth diapering is too complicated/time consuming - I have enough going on as it is.

For me, this excuse given by my disposable-using friends inspired the most empathy. While I would argue that cloth diapering is not nearly as time consuming as people who don't do it seem to think, when my first child was born, I was struggling to find time to shower and brush my teeth. Laundry was absolutely not on my radar. Being a new mother (or father) is daunting, exhausting, overwhelming, etc. I get it. I've been there. You're just trying to stay afloat. This is why I recommend those who feel this way take another gander at Excuse #2.

It's okay. It's okay to start your newborn out in disposables if you just can't handle one more task. It's okay to keep a pack of disposables at hand for when you get the stomach flu, go on vacation, leave the baby with a sitter, or just have a bad day. If you want to cloth diaper, you don't have to give it up because you can't handle it full-time all the time. If cloth diapering seems intimidating, start slowly. Buy a couple of diapers and use them part-time, when you're hanging around the house. If you're like me, you'll be surprised at just how little of your time cloth diapering actually takes.

      9. Disposable diapers are more convenient - cloth diapers are a hassle.

This is probably the most common answer I received, and the hardest to get around. The invention of disposable diapers made life easier for lots of moms, and that mindset has kind of continued. It is a matter of priorities. For me, the environmental effect of disposables outweighs any sort of "take-and-toss" convenience, much in the same way that I prefer to use stoneware plates during dinner instead of paper plates every day. Yes, I have to wash them and put them away, but I only have to buy them once and I save thousands of trees by doing it my way.

Cloth diapering does require some extra steps. There is some extra laundry involved, and while pro-cloth people often claim the advantages of not having to run to the store to buy a bag of diapers, I don't know anyone who goes just for that reason (my friends, at least, tend to combine trips). One of my CDing friends pointed out that cloth diapering is much easier when both parents get involved, or are at least supportive of the efforts (and I completely agree!) Hassle is really in the eye of the beholder, and everyone's schedule, tolerance for extra tasks, and priorities vary. For some (like my husband) being Green is top priority, while others do it so long as they don't have to go out of their way. Many of my friends said they were Green in other ways, and so they didn't worry about using disposable diapers. None of these answers are wrong, or selfish. Everyone has to set their own standards and choose their own way to make a difference in the world. I would like to see more people using cloth diapers, for a number of reasons, but it isn't for everyone.

Why Choose Cloth Diapers?

My husband is an environmentalist, and while I'm not as passionate about the issue as he is, I always, always, always want to do what is best for my baby. When my son was born, we started out using the safest and most environmentally-friendly disposable diapers I could find: Seventh Generation brand, which uses few chemicals and no fragrances, dyes, or bleaches. I was relatively unimpressed, though. They often leaked, the sticky didn't hold very well, and they were somewhat rough to the touch. I then broadened my horizons to include 365 (Whole Foods generic) brand and Earth's Best, and eventually Huggies Pure & Naturals, none of which contain chlorine bleach. The Huggies are my favorites, both for absorbency and also texture, but they are also probably the least natural (despite the green-washing name). I don't know a lot about chemistry or chemicals, but I do know that if a company is reluctant to list ingredients on the packaging, you usually don't want to know what's in the product (they certainly don't want you to know, in any case). And no matter how green I go, even in the case of 7th Gen., disposable diapers are not environmentally friendly. Every single disposable diaper uses water, trees, and oil to produce, to package, and to deliver, and each diaper takes hundreds of years to break down - meaning that every disposable diaper ever made is still sitting in a landfill. They are not biodegradable (not even the ones that claim to be). That's scary, when I think about the future that I want for my children.

The environmental advantages of buying one product and using it over and over again instead of buying a new one each time (so that the product must use resources to be produced and delivered to the store over and over again) is significant. Cloth diapers also save money. Depending on the brand and the number you buy, it may take you several months or the better part of a year to break even, but considering that the average child is in diapers for 2-3 years, and that cloth diapers can then be used for subsequent children, the potential savings even for the most expensive brands of cloth diapers are considerable.

Some people have argued that cloth diapers do not have a material environmental advantage over disposable diapers, and the study cited to back up this claim was the 2008 UK Environment Agency study that found that cloth diapers required as much energy and produced as much waste as disposable diapers, once you accounted for the energy and water used to wash diapers in hot water daily and then to dry them in the dryer. However, what these advocates of disposable diapers often overlook is that "the report shows that, in contrast to the use of disposable nappies [diapers], it is consumers’ behaviour after purchase that determines most of the impacts from reusable [cloth] nappies." Cloth diaperers can take any number of steps in order to reduce the energy and water amounts used, which will in turn give cloth diapers a substantial environmental advantage.

1. Purchase energy-efficient washers and dryers, such as High-Efficiency EnergyStar products in the U.S.A., or A+-rated machines in the E.U.

2. Purchase diapers made of organically-grown cotton, or a less wasteful crop such as bamboo or hemp.

3. Never wash diapers (or any clothing) in water above 140°F (60°C).
***This is a good idea anyway. Almost any baby book will advise parents to turn their water-heaters down to 120°F to avoid risks of scalding their children in the bath or when washing hands. Furthermore, modern detergents do not work better in warmer water than in cold. The perceived value of washing clothing in hot-water is an idea that has outlived its truthfulness; clothing gets equally clean in hot and cold water. And since neither 120°F nor 140°F is actually warm enough to kill most germs or bacteria, washing clothing and diapers in hot water has no consequential advantage.

4. Wash fuller loads.
***A washing machine requires the same amount of energy to run a full load or just two diapers. Since soiled diapers do not need to be washed the same day, but can be washed every other day, or even every two days, washing more diapers at one time will mean using less energy.

5. Use green detergents or detergents especially made for cloth diapers.
***Important things to consider: Are the detergents petroleum-based? Do they contain non-natural perfumes, fragrances, or bleach? I personally love Charlie's Soap, but Rockin Green, Method, Seventh Generation, and Ecos all make great, cloth-diaper-friendly detergents. Never use chlorine bleach, fabric softener, dryer sheets, or unnaturally scented detergents with cloth diapers. These additives can decrease a diaper's absorbency, contaminate your water source, and cause irritation to your baby's sensitive (and porous) skin.

6. Tumble dry as little as possible, and instead line-dry.
***This is a good idea for several reasons. It will reduce any sort of impact on your electric bill, and sunlight is a natural bleach. Drying diapers in direct sunlight will remove stains, and also disinfect the diapers!

7. Reuse cloth diapers for future children.
***This is kind of obvious. The financial savings that come from purchasing cloth diapers instead of disposables add up quickly for one child - but if you use the same diapers for a second or third child, the savings will be thousands of dollars. Once you have finished with diapers, you can sell them through DiaperSwappers.com, or donate them through Freecycle or MiracleDiapers.org, thus passing the environmental (and financial) advantages on to another.

When a Mom attempts to blog...

This is my first attempt at blogging, and my very first post on my new blog! A dear friend suggested that I create a blog because she kept coming to me for advice about her new baby, and she found my responses overly-thorough (and perhaps long-winded) but hopefully helpful. At first, I dismissed the idea because I have always considered blogs to be cries for attention from people who write updates such as "I had cereal for breakfast" or "Great party last night!" But then, after she had planted the idea, I began to notice that several of my favorite parenting-advice sites are actually blogs, and extremely helpful! So I began thinking that perhaps my notions of blogs are out of date, or at least limited.  My hope is that I will create a blog that other mothers (and fathers) can visit and learn something new - or at least empathize with my attempts to parent progressively!

When I became a mother, I had not really done any research about parenting; I had worked for four years in a daycare, with children ages 0-4, and I thought I knew what I was getting into. Actually becoming a mother came as a significant shock, and I had a lot of growing up to do in a short period of time. I began researching only after my son was born, but parenting is a learning process for even the most informed and realistic parents, and that is what this blog is about. I do not adhere to any particular parenting philosophy (I probably relate the closest to the Attachment Parenting movement, but we diverge in several important areas).  Instead, I believe in parenting practically - and sometimes it feels like I'm practically a parent!

A little bit about me: I married my high-school sweetheart right after graduate school, and moved away from family for his work (although we still live within a day's drive from our parents, and my mother visits frequently to help out). I am in my late 20s, a stay-at-home mom to a the most beautiful 2-year-old boy (A) and the most darling infant girl (S), as well as a house full of pets. Thanks very much for taking the time to read this, and I hope to post again soon.